Haddon’s first Birthday

6 months ago I figured that Haddon’s birthday couldn’t be harder than any other day. I mean, we are always thinking of him, dreaming about him, crying together about him. But, March comes tomorrow, the last month i carried him when i was so close to his due date and when i saw him for the first time, and it is already bringing knots to my stomach and lumps in my throat. Part of me doesn’ t want any more than one year to go past…to look too far ahead without him can sometimes seem very dark. We are talking about his birthday lately, Ernie and i, as it’s getting closer. There will be lots of writing prepared for the day. A lot of precious memories between Ernie and I will be shared together when we wake up. We will battle for faith to remember his reality of seeing Jesus Christ for who he is is far greater than planning a birthday party or tasting cake for the first time.

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